Have you ever loved someone very much without ever really knowing what that person meant to you?
Have you ever taken the love and blessings coming your way completely for granted?
Have you ever thought that someone will always be a constant in your life?
Have you ever thought that the love and smiles will never fade?
And have you ever thought that someone like that will never leave you?

Today is the 9th of May and I miss my Nani very very much. It’s been two years and somehow, every time I think of going to my mamoo’s place, I think of my nana ji sitting in his usual place with his dog and my nani in her usual place with her hands stretched in my direction, eager to take me in her arms.

My problem was that I never thought they would leave. They were my constants. They were always there when I went to meet them, always enthusiastic, always excited to see me. I never thought that I would ever lose them.

I remember very vividly the last evening I spent with my Nani. She was ill and in the hospital. Both my brothers were in the Karachi, and dad was in Vietnam. I thought my nani was just ill and that she will be alright in no time. And I sat by her side, telling her jokes and singing her Punjabi songs. She used to laugh at my jokes and smiled constantly while I sang. I believe it was more out of her love for me, than either my sense of humor or my voice for that matter. And that is the kind of love I never understood and now it’s too late.

Sometimes, when I am down and I feel nothing is going right, I wonder if it’s happening because my nani isn’t around to pray for me.

I wish that she was still alive so she could see her grandchildren married. She wanted to see her grandchildren married. Before she passed away, she collected wedding presents for all her grandchildren and their spouses. Bhai & Aban got theirs. I wonder what she left me. I wonder if I will ever find out.

Last night, after my maghrib prayers, I sat and prayed for her especially. I know she isn’t here but I will still celebrate her life because I know, she is one person who lived her life to the fullest. And that is the legacy she left me.