These past two days have been quite thought provoking but lately I have learnt to shut out most of my thoughts. One way is by watching movies till late at night…so that I don’t think about anything at all.

That hasn’t been very successful since only now I have circles around my eyes and I look like somebody that was dragged in the office by a cat.

Day before yesterday while I was in the office, I got a call from a friend of mine. She and I have been friends since college and her mother and I are pretty close too. I had not been able to call her for a whole month what with the entire interview, khi trip and my work schedule. She sounded very upset and when I asked her, she told me that she was going through hell cuz the guy she had committed herself to for the past five years, was caught cheating on her. Apparently, he never wanted to marry my friend and had never even spoken to his family about her in the past five years. I knew she could use some company so I went to her place after work hours finished.

I know what it’s like being cheated on and lied to. But to think that she gave someone five years of her life, devotion and loyalty and he didn’t even have the spine to own up to his infidelity. Everything she was saying was an echo from the past for me. I am only too aware of the feelings that crop up after such discoveries. While I sat and tried to listen to her, knowing full well what she was going through, I knew that finding closure wasn’t going to be easy for her. The pain eventually subsides, but the knowledge of wasted time and emotions doesn’t go away effortlessly.

By the time, I went home, I was exhausted. So I watched Memoirs of a Geisha until midnight. I came to the office in the morning as per my routine and an hour later I got a frantic call from my dad sayin tht ammi (god forbid) had a heart attack. I totally freaked out and arranged for mom to be taken to the hospital while I walked there from my office. The doctor examined her and told me that Alhumdulilah, her heart was fine. Basically she is a diabetic and her blood Sugar dipped low because of the medication. However, I knew how worried my dad was, so I got the ECG done and got opinions from two cardiologists so that he would stop worrying. For me, it’s always a double whammy whenever something happens. One, cuz I am worried about whatever has happened which in this case was Ammi’s health and two, the impact the incident has on my father. What truly baffles me is how much people can ‘not’ care.

Anyhoo, after I got the medicine for ammi, I took the rest of the day off from work and went home. So, yesterday after lord knows how many days, I actually cooked a proper meal. I mean not the occasional 20 minute stint in the kitchen but proper preparation of food from deciding what to make to going to the market to get the vegetables and ingredients and cooking without worrying about office work. I used to look after my home some years back when my parents were in Jeddah and I realized yesterday that I miss being the responsible one.

In the evening when the distress of the morning had somewhat washed off I got more news that is certainly not pleasant. Should I write about it…I really don’t have the nerve. Am trying to wash it all off as it is.