R for Ridiculous

Last night I was supposed to attend two weddings…both were equally important to me and I endeavored to take on this Herculean task and failed miserably. I was able to attend only one wedding, that of my friend Reem with whom I used to take my literature classes. The wedding I missed was my childhood friend Usman’s. I know he’s gonna be angry but I think he has better things to concentrate on. Besides, I am not seven anymore and therefore not easily intimidated.
Reem’s wedding was a low key affair with only her family and very close relatives, all above the age of fifty. There were only four girls younger than me who were some ten years younger and five inches taller.
I met Reem yesterday after four years. We never could tie up the time to see each other but we remained in touch through e-mails and phone calls. She looked very nice MashaAllah. We got some time to ourselves while everyone was waiting for the Barat to arrive.
And then the whole thing went from sublime to ridiculous.
After Dulhai Miyaan arrived, I vacated my place for him and found a seat in a corner from where I could see nothing so I sat like a moron looking at all the old auntie’s heads. Then this old lady who was Reem’s Ta’yee came and started interrogating me. Here’s how it went:
T:So you are a Friend of Reem’s?
B: Ji
T: How old are you?
B: 23
T: Completed your masters yet?
B: Ji
T: You’re very pretty
B: Umm…Thank you, you’re very kind
T: I don’t see any rings on your fingers
B: I don’t wear any ma’am
T: Haven’t you gotten married yet
B: No Ma’am, I haven’t
T: Why not?
B: Why at all?
At this, she muttered something like’ girls these days’ under her breath and left.

I then felt it wise to vacate my place lest some other old lady decided to investigate my marital status and found me insolent in the process. So, I sought the company of Reem’s nieces. As I was standing with them, niece no.1 asked niece no. 2, if I was the girl they saw on Television. She said, I looked kinda like her and then they decided to confirm by asking me.
Niece no.1: Are you the girl who hosted the Sehri transmission?
B: ji, some programs
Niece 2: you know, you don’t look at all pretty on the screen…I mean at all !! !
B: yeah, I know I am not photogenic ( trying valiantly to smile).
Niece 1: kind? It destroys you!!
Right!! that was my cue to exit that area. I then found another quiet corner and buried my head in the food. Then Reem’s sister spotted me and came over. She works for PTV and we started trading notes on our channels. Then the subject led from one thing to another and finally settled on once again, my marital status. Next thing I know, she’s telling me about how she loves match making and calls her hubby over. And then there I was sitting, laughing my head off while they started discussing potentials for me. I mean, I have been to outrageous weddings but lord! I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
That was enough dose for me to swear to myself never to attend weddings again. Oh well, I have to attend Saniya’s brothers wedding and unless Saddy, Sanny, Sajeela, Amrat and faiza get married next year, I aint attending no more weddings.

Sam’s arranged for our tickets to Khi but my ticket is from Lahore on the night of 15th which means that not only will I be going to Khi but also to Lahore as well and since I get to stay an extra day, I’ll go see Jia in Hyderabad. Yeh Cheez!!!!!!!!!!