Alhumdulilah, I have been allocated a group after my CSS result and my father is actually happy about my allocation. And I am happy that I made it in the first attempt Alhumdulilah. However, with this great news, I am confronted with the responsibility to make a decision for myself.

Making decisions is never easy especially when you realize that you and you alone are responsible for the consequences. My life has been easy till this time in one way…and that is that I have come this far with ready made decisions. My education, my choice of my college and university and till last year the decision about my marriage was my parents. Except my decision to join this channel, everything else has pretty much been decided for me. And I honestly have no regrets on them. I have been educated well, and I always liked the institutions I studied in. Except for the fiasco of last year...I really wouldn’t change much in my life. Sometimes I think, I wouldn’t even change last year.

But now…it’s a question of deciding my life’s path. I admit that my career has been some what erratic. I started off as an economist and went on to becoming a high school teacher instead of becoming a banker as per my major and then I became a Producer in a news channel. And now civil service as an officer? All of this in a little over two years.

I spoke to my boss about it yesterday. I told him about this decision that I have to make and asked him for his take on it. I like talking to him because I know I can discuss everything under the sun with him. He is honest and forthright and I appreciate that. He told me that although I handle my work assignments very well, what I do end up accomplishing is a lot less than what I am capable of. However it is a question of my priorities. I started off as a reporter in this organization and although meeting people in the power corridors and being present on important occasions was exhilarating…I realized quite quickly that I couldn’t carry on like that for long. I want to spend my time with my family and need to know that every now and then I can meet my friends without worrying about work. Work is necessary but my family is my priority. And I have told him that. He also told me that I am ‘too nice a girl’. This statement really surprised me. ‘too nice’ ? His argument was that in order for a girl to succeed in this profession, she needs to be (these are his words) ‘a bit of a bitch’. I am too polite, too proper. I don’t dress up to impress. I don’t push and manipulate people to get my work done and often end up doing other people’s work as well. That and the fact that I am always tripping over my scarf. (the scarf had to be mentioned).

Under any other circumstances, I know that I probably may have been flattered. But I know these are my short comings. Although I believe I am ‘not that nice’, I do agree that instead of being bossy, I am always requesting people politely to do what needs to be done. I come to office early so I get a head start on the day. And I know that I can be really good in field work but I prefer to get things done from my office.

On the other hand, I know how the bureaucracy works. My dad is a bureaucrat and although it’s a good stable job and if I take care of my career, I can go a long way and Alhumdulilah Allah has always been very kind to me. But still, there are too many loop holes, too many flaws in the bureaucracy. It tends to become stagnant; you have to go through so many channels to get things done.

Here I can barge into my Boss’s room anytime, whether he is eating apples and I want one or if I have a problem to discuss even if it’s personal. I can call up my CEO anytime if I want to. I am on first name basis with my controller news. It’s a comfortable environment.

I don’t fear change…not really. I like stability but I know change is inevitable. It’s just a little over whelming. Girls around me have different kind of decisions to make. I don’t know who to ask for advice really. Everyone only has one side of the perspective. And it’s complicated. On one side there’s the prestige and respectability of civil service, on the other hand I have financial stability and creative freedom. Civil service offers me opportunities of growth in so many different strati; media gives me the license to become anything I want to be. Civil service gives me stability; electronic media allows me to be spontaneous.

These are good choices to be made. People tell me how lucky I am…making it in the first attempt. I know people put in years of effort. Believe me, I know that I can never thank Allah ji enough because I can never fully comprehend how kind life has been to me. I just hope that I make the right decision.