Yesterday was my French class in the evening. I don’t know if I was a little early or Fizza came a lil’ late but somehow I had time to talk to one of my class fellows. Otherwise, we only communicate during the class and that too by repeating what we are told to repeat. Anyhoo, her name is ayesha and she’s a mother of two. I knew that by profession she is a nursery school teacher. As we got to talking, she started telling me about her nine year old daughter and how she is always on strike about one thing or another and is always protesting ever single thing. I told her to be careful when she turns 13. Then she said that every age is difficult and I agreed with her by saying that I couldn’t wait to be thirty. She said that it was all very well provided I got married before thirty. I think I don’t need to write what I said next...how marriage was not in my plans anymore etc.

Ayesha then said that it’s not easy for a girl to survive unscathed unmarried in our society and despite how things are changing, some facts remain intact. One of them is that a girl needs to get married. She then told me about what a loser her ex was and how he expected her to earn. She divorced him five years ago and since then he hasn’t asked about his kids once. And now even her daughter tells her to find a guy and get married. I told her that since she was capable and independent, there was really no need for her. To this she said that the reason she is safe is cuz her dad is an influential person, once he’s gone…who will look out for her?

Then after I got home, I sat down with dad to fill my preference form for the interview. My preference always has been Foreign office. But my dad has a different perspective on this. When I told him I was putting down Foreign Service, my dad went quiet. Then the usual, it’s your life, your career…you know best brigade followed. I asked him to tell me exactly what was on his mind and just as I suspected…he said that as a girl if I end up in Foreign Service, my family life will suffer. I told him that our family has lived apart in segments for years now. And Alhumdulilah, we still love each other. So I am not worried about that account. And I told him that this was the only family I needed in my life. I know what he meant…he’s worried about the same thing all over again but no! For once in my life, I am very clear about what I want. But my dad kept on saying that it’s not easy and soon the charm of traveling wears off.

I know he’s right. I don’t argue with the strength of his claim. Independence, freedom to travel etc are indeed charming but we all need a home to come back to. But what annoys me is that we view marriage as a social necessity and not as a personal choice. We see it as something central to life and not incidental. And what really gets to me every time is that we are so concerned about what the world will think, what ‘they’ will say that we always forget what is right for us.

Can anyone define ‘they’?

Each and every one of us, without any exception and commonly without any prejudice use the term ‘they’ to refer to the society in general. I use it too, and I have seen everyone else using it as well.

And the stink of this word is…we are all confronted by it and yet, we all constitute it.

We are ‘they’.

Khair, this morning at fajr I got a missed call from Faro. Back in university days, all the girls in my class used to give each other missed calls at fajr time so that if someone was sleeping, they could wake up and not miss their prayers. Also, during exams, we used to stay up at nights to study and to let each other know that we were up and studying, we used to give missed calls as well. We continued this practice for almost six months after our graduation and then somehow, the practice deteriorated to non-existence. So it felt really nice when I got that missed call and I reciprocated by giving missed calls to my friends from M.Sc.

There are so many things I miss now, things I know will never happen again. For instance…
• I miss playing cricket with abu, bhai and shan like I used to when I was in school
• I miss sharing my lunch with Farah, the first friend I made in grade 1.
• I miss being one of the guys, playing with Ali, Umar, Usman, Awais, Qasim and my brothers.
• I miss going home from school and telling ammi about everything that happened while having lunch with her.
• I miss playing with my rabbits
• I miss hearing stories from my nana ji and dada ji and I miss telling my nani stories that I always made and she always enjoyed.
• I miss walking to PAF golf course with girls I once considered my friends and using fake pak numbers to get chips n soft drinks.
• I miss walking all around the campus with saddy and eating samoosas.
• I miss talking to Erum in Jeddah about everything that ever crossed my mind.
• I miss lying in the grass in F.G looking at the cloud formations with Shena, Shifa, Amina, Izzah, Asma and Reema.
• I miss adeel’s e-mails and I miss talking to him about how cruel my seniors were.
• I miss all my friends from QAU, our trips to Ramli and Shahdra, the social ki cha’at samoosa and the orange juice in winters.
• And I miss being in Karachi with Noreen and candy, roaming around the city and being so delightfully removed from reality.